They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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