just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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