So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
