In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You need Xanax blowdarts
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
