Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
one might say we're banned from that church
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
