look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
