you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
