I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She even gives head with a lisp.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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