he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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