FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
