Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
