I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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