Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
