These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
