I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
