I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
