One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
