He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
