He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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