Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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