Heybabeimwearingurpanties
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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