yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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