When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
