Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
