Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
