you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Terrible idea I love it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
