I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
