I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
