why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
