Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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