Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
