Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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