he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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