I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
