Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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