Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.

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(305): View more from Florida

i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

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(407): View more from Florida

I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.

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(440): View more from Ohio

I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid

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(815): View more from Illinois

i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.

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(903): View more from Texas

You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle

(617): View more from Massachusetts

Why are male brains so small?

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