My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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