Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
