The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
