Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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