What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
