I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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