thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
