i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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