It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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