How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
