Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
