yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
