Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
