he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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